Memory lane, gratitudes, silly men and a balancing act…

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24/1: In Salvador waiting for the bus to go to Recife. Last time I was here waiting for this same bus I got a text from my mum saying that my niece might not make it. The incomprehension turned the news unreal while I searched my mind for an emotion fitting this situation. I found none, just a dull sensation of being trapped.. somewhere too far away to understand that a body was breaking and becoming too fragile to contain the life of this being who had marched into the softest place in my heart and made a permanent camp without asking for permission.

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25/1: I am on a road trip to João Pessoa to see Gal Costa with 4 very silly men…

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Conheco a Bahia porque lá eu era peixe, vivi nadando no cabelo da sereia. Aqui em Pernambuco eu era Urubú e voei por horas sem bater as asas. conheci os prédios e o brilho do sol no mar. Voltei feito humano e as pessoas me desconhecem, mas eu reconheço, me reconheço em todo…

30/1: Highly neurotic and not sure what do to with my life (the whole of it, the freaking whole of it, okay???) I wake up in a crappy mood which just will not go away. I’m amazed of how down I am, and how persistent my grumpiness is. FUCK. I am a happy person (I AM!!!). Eileen asks me if I need a hug and I bark back to please leave me alone right now (I try to bark like a cute little poodle, but it is still barking). I ramble until finally it falls out of my mouth that actually I dont want to go do the volunteership I found in São Paulo, I just can’t stand the thought of leaving Brasiw either. ever. I’m finally able to accept a hug, and suggest this is a time for cake and caffeine induced levantaspiritu.

 

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